.spanking horses.

Man, a new year, another procrastinated blog. Real good thing no one reads this, f'sho.


Boy oh boy.


I have changed so much in the past few months since that last post. One of the biggest things I've learned is direct communication. In my life from this point on, there is never going to be a beating-around-the-bush experience...ever again. So much in life can get done more efficiently if you just get right to the point. My life would be a lot different if I had been direct a few months ago...I got lucky that time and it all worked out for the best. But if certain things hadn't happened while I was being indirect, I would definitely have a different life right now. Or at least one detail would be different. Which is aggravating sometimes.

I love how that was about THE vaguest paragraph ever... so much for directness...


Another huge thing I've learned: I need to laugh more often. Every single person is going through crazy-hard things right now...me included. So why not just learn to laugh? I've always considered myself a happy person. But the past few weeks I haven't been that person. Instead of putting my problems aside, I've tried grappling and fretting over them. But now I've learned to just find happiness in the moment. Especially humor in the moment. It took a pretty blunt blow by one of my closest friends to realize that. I've been working on that the past few days and it's working marvelously.


One interesting thing that's different about me...I'm not opposed to dating anymore. All last school year I was basically morally against it. But something changed when this school year hit. I learned to unlock that retaining wall around my heart and to let go a bit. To actually let someone have access to that...
I didn't let anyone have full access, though, and that's been my problem from the get-go. But I feel now that I'm ready to devote myself entirely to someone else. Maybe not in a marriage sense, definitely not. But just to actually form a relationship with someone...that'd be quite the feat for me. Or maybe I just need someone to actually devote themselves to me. It's a really selfish thing to need, let alone write about. But I'm definitely open to the prospects. NOT going out and looking for it by any means but certainly walking around with an open mind and heart from now on.


I miss performing.


Mmk, it's super late. Grateful for a ton of things, I promise. Just no time to do the countdown this time. Next time for sure.


I love how I'm making promises to no one.