.expectations.

So much has happened and yet nothing has happened. I am at a point where I have absolutely no idea where I will be in one year. I can guess I will still be at BYU. I can guess I will still be a Psych major. But will my roommates already be gone? Where will I be working? Will I be single or...not? There is a possibility. Will I be thinking about a mission still? Because I definitely am now. But there is still a little part of me that is saying I won't go. I don't understand what God is trying to tell me. I have received many answers to prayers and I felt very strongly that I should serve a mission. And I am so happy that that was my answer so many times. But at the same time, there's a nagging at the back of my heart that is saying I should stay here. Is that my own feeling of inadequacy or unpreparedness? Or is that the Lord telling me that I actually duped myself into believing I should go and that I'm actually supposed to stay here and fight on the home front? I wish He would just tell me straight out. I have faith that everything will work out, but I definitely do not have patience to wait for that.

My tops for now:
1. My Heavenly Father and also my Savior, Jesus Christ
2. Family
3. Roommates who love me.
4. BYU campus - it's beautiful right now.
5. Technology
6. PROPOSITION 8 PASSED
7. Sugar-free chocolate pudding
8. Taking hobo naps on campus
9. Piano music in the Terrace
10. Omelet night. =]
11. Missionary letters
12. Speaking Spanish

I think it's great no one reads this. But if anyone does, just know that I am happy to be where I am right now. And remember to keep the suffering Saints in California in your prayers.

.sophomore.

Yes, I survived my first year of college and I'm back to BYU again. It's seriously such a breath of fresh air to be back. Literally - Sacramento was pretty smoky this summer with the forest fires surrounding us.
This year's so different. Or at least, I feel it is going to be. I keep forgetting that I'm still only 18 years old. I feel so much older than that. Mentally anyway. I still act young, and I definitely still look young. It's probably due to the fact that I am nearly a year younger than all of my roommates. The next youngest turned 19 in April, so I've got a lot of catching up to do.
I am SO grateful so here's my list!

1. My Father in Heaven
2. My Savior, Jesus Christ
3. Joseph Smith
4. My chance to be in the Hill Cumorah Pageant
5. My mom's "growth" was benign
6. No one got hurt when my house got broken into/robbed
7. I finally found a good job last summer
8. Roommates
9. Friends who actually care
10. BYU
11. Aloe vera (what? I'm sunburned!)
12. Laptops
13. The Internet
14. My health
15. Sugar-free ice cream

This has been a good break. Now back to studying!

.woops.

so it's been forever. a ton has happened. and now it's almost over. but holy cow i'm so glad this year happened! it's weird to think a whole school year went by. but if i think back long enough, yeah, i guess i can believe that it was a whole year. next thursday (and even this weekend a bit) i am saying goodbye to the only people that have understood me completely these past, like, 8 months. some of these people i will not see for two years, and maybe even never again. it's a weird life right now. it's like th end of senior year, except this time i don't want it to end. i just come back next fall and plug away...but all of these guys are going to far-off places and learning strange languages and going to be so far away from everything they know to be normal. i've said this a thousand times, but i'd rather have them go than stay here and plug away with me. this is the greatest thing on earth that they could be doing. seriously. spreading the message of cheer to all those who are ready to hear it? what better thing could they do? but it's so hard to say goodbye to my closest friends. at least i still have my roommates next fall--there's some constancy right there. and of course i still have my friends from back home. and my family. sometimes i feel like the only people (mortal people) that can understand me are these people i've met up here. they're the ones who also left their families and friends to come to this strange school. they're the ones who have witnessed the stresses of college life in "Happy Valley" with me. they're the ones i went to most when i had things that were too hard to bear on my own. but actually, the Person who knows me the most is my Savior, Jesus Christ. He bore everything for me. He knows how to personally succor me, one of His sisters, and He can understand EVERYTHING that i am feeling right now. because He has already suffered all of it for just me. and i am so grateful to Him for doing that. i would hate for anyone to feel as confused as i am feeling right now, but it's too late. because He did it about 2000 years ago. and i am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for letting His Son come down to this rotten planet and suffer for this little 18 year-old girl. so in a way, my heart is very full right now even though my life is going to be very different in a week.

.beautiful.

Oh my gosh. It is so beautiful today! It's definitely 64 and sunny today! (Warm, yes I know!) Who cares that I have such a busy week!? It's GORGEOUS outside.
Top for today/this past weekend:

1. My Heavenly Father and my Savior!
2. My friends/roomies/family
3. THIS WEATHER
4. Got paid =]
5. Sugar-free ice cream at Cold Stone!
6. Sweet projector and stadium seating in my apt.
7. Easter packages.
8. CALI came.
9. My tap dance.
10. Don't have to pay as big a fine for speeding ticket!
11. Easter Cantata.
12. Hillary's baby!

LOVE love love life. Should be stressed this week as well... but I'm soooo not. It's great.

.whatever.

I should be super stressed right now. I've taken two tests, have three more to take.. I have written 0 out of 2 papers...one due tomorrow and one due monday... and i had a deep cleaning check yesterday that took forever to finish (2 hours on the bathtub walls alone). But I've had divine help in finishing everything. And in getting good grades on the tests. We'll see about this next one..it's the hardest (History of Psych). But I have faith that He will help me. Sooo yeah. That's the update. Whatev.

.ooooh myyyyy goooooosh.

could this day seriously get any worse???? I know I said I wouldn't complain on here but holy crap! This day is going down faster than the Titanic in spring!!
1. Failed my Stats quiz from a stupid mistake
2. Speeding ticket (I deserved it but GAH)
3. Now $100 for Traffic School, for three hours
4. Park Place Apartments called and retracted their offer
5. They're keeping $50 from my deposit unless I move into one of their OTHER apartment complexes....Cheap sales trick.
6. Most other apts are filling up because it's so late.
7. Tons of homework
8. 4 tests next week that I haven't started studying for.
9. Some of my friends don't care that I'm going through all of this. I don't want attention, but I do want to know that I'm thought of once in a while.

.wow.

It's been awhile! But I'm back! Just found out my best friend Cali is coming to visit me in two weeks... CANNOT wait! It'll be sort of lame..I've got 4 tests that week... but eh, her being there will be worth it!! Sooo stoked!
Top List for Tuesday:
1. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ
2. Friends & family
3. Letters from friends back home! =]
4. Shaving parties w/ roomies...
5. Sunless tanning experiment..
6. uh, orange legs after sunless tanning experiment...
7. Decent job on tap test
8. Taco Bell w/ friends!
9. No jacket needed - it's warm enough!
10. Acafella boys singing for us!
11. Brother's 15th birthday!

.my heart is full.

My heart is so full. This past weekend I have had so many amazing experiences. I was so sick this weekend. Was dizzy, couldn't think straight for part of it, had an emotional breakdown on Sunday night, etc. I knew I had homework to do but honestly, I mentally could not do it. I was not able to comprehend what I was reading/writing. I asked my professor for an extension, and he said yes! And we didn't turn in the other outline of a paper in english, so I got lucky. But it wasn't luck. I know that. That was a miracle.
Speaking of miracles, I am 97% better. But I'd still have a fever and a bad cough/congestion if it weren't for my God. Two boys who I am very close to these days come over and gave me a blessing. They act in the name of Christ to perform blessings of healing. They anointed consecrated olive oil on my head and sealed it. Then they placed their hands on my head (just as Christ did it in the New Testament), and speak for God, say what God would have them say. They work if the people giving and receiving the blessing have enough faith. As soon as Taylor said, "Amen", my fever was instantly gone. I am not exaggerating. My mind was clear and I was able to do my homework last night. I had my normal energy, and was cracking jokes like I used to. I am so grateful that those boys were worthy enough to hold the holy priesthood, to act in the name of Christ. I am so grateful that my Savior, Jesus Christ, took on that illness for me in the Garden so that I would be healed of it millenniums later. I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father loved me enough to send His Son to sacrifice for my sake. My heart is so full!
I also am happy because we got housing! We had a few heartbreaks on Saturday with not getting it out of sheer luck of the draw and things. But we found pretty much the perfect place!
Have to keep writing my paper, but just wanted to get this out!

.friiiiiiiday.

There's never been a time that I've loved the phrase TGIF more than today!!! Holy cow! Here's my checklist in progress:

~ Work at my aunt's - Wednesday
~ BYU v. Utah game - Wednesday
~ Utah Symphony - Thursday
~ Men's Chorus concert - Friday
~ Sign contract for housing next fall - Saturday
~ Family dinner - Saturday
~ Adolescent paper - Thursday
~ Book of Mormon hw - Thursday
~ Stats hw - Thursday
~ Cleaning check - Thursday
~ Annotated bibliography - Friday
~ Honors English hw - Friday
~ Read the Book of Mormon
~ Write in my journal
~ Keep working in Preach My Gospel

Man that feels good! Maybe tonight i'll post another one and put my top ten in. I haven't done much today...

.sinuses.

Yaaaay for being sick. Love dorms. One gets sick, everyone gets sick. But nonetheless, here's my top ten for the day!
THURSDAY:
1. God and my Savior Jesus Christ!
2. Tissue paper...I used it all. =]
3. Friends who edit papers in 20 minutes!
4. Knights in shining armor! =]
5. Sugar-free chocolate.
6. Getting my paper done in time.
7. Awesome roomies who help with cleaning checks.
8. tap class =]
9. Being here at BYU in this environment!
10. They shot the satellite out of the sky...yay no UFOs! (Unidentified Falling Objects)

.windsday.

Who decided to call it Wednesday? And why do we say Windsday? Doesn't make that much sense to me! Anyway, yesterday went well! I had a lot more extra time than usual since it was a Monday schedule. I should have gotten more done because today is going to be insane! I find the only way I can get everything done is to make those lists...here goes:
THIS WEEK:
~ Work at my aunt's - Wednesday
~ BYU v. Utah game - Wednesday
~ Utah Symphony - Thursday
~ Men's Chorus concert - Friday
~ Sign contract for housing next fall - Saturday
~ Family dinner - Saturday
~ Adolescent paper - Thursday
~ Book of Mormon hw - Thursday
~ Stats hw - Thursday
~ Cleaning check - Thursday
~ Annotated bibliography - Friday
~ Honors English hw - Friday
~ Read the Book of Mormon
~ Write in my journal
~ Keep working in Preach My Gospel

aaaand yeah. I put those last ones on there as a reminder to myself. I know that I have to keep doing what's right and what I'm supposed to do if my Savior's going to help me get over this cold! I think I'm going to take a page out of Camille's book (blog?) and start a top ten list. Can't right now.. I've got class. But I shall tomorrow!

.relief.

I finished everything! My talk went well, the musical number went even better... the test went crappy though. I forgot my calculator and didn't know that I could borrow one at the testing center. So I definitely got a 68% on it.. because I can't do square roots in my head.... gah. But yeah! This weekend is over! The stressful part anyway. Today there's no classes... so I'm getting stuff done... ha, I think. Right now I'm typing in a blog, but whatev. Anyway, yup! This week's going to be awesome! I've got Amanda's bday on Tuesday, BYU v. Utah bball game on Wednesday, Utah Symphony on Thursday, and Men's Chorus concert on Friday.. and then on Saturday we sign contracts for housing next fall!! Yesss this week shall be marvelous. Ta-ta!

.beh.

ALMOST HOME FREE
-Tap test
-Book of Mormon test
-Psych Stats test
-Psych Stats quiz
-Prepare my talk
-Rehearse our song
-Little sister's birthday
-Work on Wednesday
-All other homework
-Sleep somewhere in there.

Sooo it's Valentine's Day... started off great. A girl in my ward came home with her WEDDING DRESS she had just bought... and put on her WEDDING DRESS... and modeled her WEDDING DRESS...
Then walked on campus. There was definitely a "kissing booth" at the Bookstore.
What a lovely university - dedicated to love and marriage and making Sydnee miserable by reminding her that she has to worry about that. Thank you BYU.
Tonight we're avoiding the whole subject and taking our FHE boy out to dinner...because it's his birthday, not because we love him. Don't worry. Gah.
So yup. I'm in class. And now rambling. And now ending. Ta-ta.

.progress.

Here's some progress!
-Tap test
-Book of Mormon test
-Psych Stats test
-Psych Stats quiz
-Prepare my talk
-Rehearse our song
-Little sister's birthday
-Work on Wednesday
-All other homework
-Sleep somewhere in there.

I'm getting there. Hopefully more will be done by tonight or tomorrow... Gah. Gotta love college. My voice is going away slowly... been singing too low the past few days... thaaank you alto part in our song... Boy oh boy.
But I'm grateful for friends and family for keeping me sane this week. Especially my roommates. Love 'em.

.yup.

So, I'm still grateful and all...but I'm definitely starting to feel the stress of this week.
Syd's checklist:
-Tap test
-Book of Mormon test
-Psych Stats test
-Psych Stats quiz
-Prepare my talk
-Rehearse our song
-Little sister's birthday
-Work on Wednesday
-All other homework
-Sleep somewhere in there.
I can do it if I let my Savior help me. But man, He's going to have a lot of work cut out for Him!

.grateful.

Today has been such a great day! Church today just gave me a lot of insights into how I've been feeling lately. One of the guys who spoke gave his talk on personal revelation. I am so grateful to know that if I have a question or a problem, that I can actually receive an answer from my Heavenly Father. I can receive witnesses that this gospel is true and actually know for myself...all directly from Him. It's such a comfort in this world I live in. A lot of churches can't say that they know something to be true - they can believe it's true, which is awesome. Faith is the first step to knowing anything really. But I can definitely say that I know that by praying to my God, that He can make things known unto me that will help me cope and become a better person.

I am so grateful for everything that I've been given in this life! The mountains, the snow, the fact that it's warm today, my roommate who teaches me so much, this university, my family, lint brushes, guitars, piano, laptops, my friends, and most importantly, my testimony that I can keep close to my heart.

My heart is so full today! Nothing can bring me down - not today!

.blue skies.

Today is gorgeous. There's snow on the ground, that comes with the territory. But we've got blue skies here and it's semi-warm! A blistering 32 degrees! I love when the sun hits the snow - there's this glittery sparkle that you can't ever create in a kindergarten classroom. The beauty of God's creations is so apparent here, with the mountains so close and the snow and everything! I love it here!
I'm listening to Jack Johnson's new album... just so relaxing. I could just die right now and I'd be happy.
Tonight I'm doing something that last year I never dreamed I'd do. I'm not sure how it's going to go, but I'm determined to keep my cool and to keep my head clear. I need to get everything out that I've wanted to for so long. I hope it goes well because I used to be able to talk to him about everything and that got so messed up a few years ago...so I really really hope this works tonight.
Yay for optimism! I don't want to make this into a complaining blog...don't let me!